Sunday, 3 August 2014

EXPECTATIONS, BABIES, PLANS AND THE WAY LIFE SOMETIMES GOES


Things don’t always go according to plan but then again that is the way life is!

We managed to get a picture of us sisters, all pregnant equal months apart!
It was a fun situation,  the three of us expecting at the same time and I was not sure if we’d manage to meet up before my sister gave birth. But some time ago we did! We took a photo of us, and I am happy we did and like it,  although we were not long in that state together. Our triple-pregnancy did not end by a delivery however, but by me miscarrying.

Miscarriage is not something that you talk that much about (over here); many don't want to talk about it, for personal reasons of course, ever say they have had one, some somehow take it as a failure. In general it is seldom mentioned when happened, like it's considered a) too painful and b) not to be seen as too big of a thing as it is rather common in the end. So I though I wouldn't post about this after all, but then again why not, shit happens, and sometimes you get to read about it. The internet however is full of forums discussing the matter (well, it is after all the internet...), and if you are going through, or have had one it's both comforting and terrifying to read those stories. Reading personal stories and not just clinical facts was supporting in some ways- my miscarriage came slowly and without pain at first so it took me a few hopeful days of what if’s before it became inevitably clear to me that it was over. I almost wished for the elevators of The Shining, so I could have known right away, instead of being in a state of not being sure (no one will take you in for a check up if you are not very ill) for days. I was still only in my first trimester and I know it is very common for things to go wrong and you are always taught to be prepared for the worst, which I was. But it is still sad and disappointing anyway. Then again I have had a friend lose her baby half way trough pregnancy and I know people who have had stillborn children. A good friend is battling cancer and children die by the hour in Gaza, for example. And I had an easy pregnancy that resulted in one healthy very happy child that I got to hold right away after he was born. So; I am still to be considered lucky! But while it is good to compare your worries with the rest of the world's in order to get some of that perspective it is also okay for you to put it all into context to your own life; it is okay to feel bad about your own sorrows even though others may have it worse. It is common to lose a pregnancy but it does not happen to everyone. Well, this time it happened to me; us. And I know many who will read this can relate, so that's why it made it here in the end.

In most cases I have always been very forward looking and trying not to dwell on things I can’t do anything about, and I had many days to process this as it went on. Life goes on, it went on already and there will be new chances. Now it almost feels like I was never pregnant again.

And, early last morning it was time for a new person to enter this world (and I got a new title at the same time)- I became an aunt as my sister gave birth to a little boy! It will be so exciting to get to meet him and for Dag to see his little cousin too!


36 comments:

Juliette Rose said...

Thank you for sharing your story, it must be a sad thing to go through after all the excitement of a new pregnancy. I'm 26 weeks pregnant so I am still hoping for a happy/healthy child, but i've had so much cancer lately affecting friends and family- it makes you realize how precious life is.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing this. Miscarriage is truly one of those common yet hidden occurrences. I miscarried one pregnancy very early but went on to conceive my fourth child soon after. All the best, brave lady, I wish you well.

Lainie said...

Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear this! My first pregnancy ended up in a miscarriage. I learned about this in the first ultrasound, and ended up having to go to the hospital. It was very traumatic and I'm still very sad about it. We're trying to get pregnant again but now, seven months after, no luck. I'm trying to stay positive but it's hard.

Miscarriages are not discussed, I feel. For me, it was a surprise how many pregnancies end up in miscarriages. I feel I don't want people to pity me so I too don't talk about it. It did me good to hear I'm not alone that there are real people behind the statistics.

Liz said...

Sorry to hear about your loss. Even though a miscarriage is a common thing (been there, too), this was Your baby, Your excitement and Your plans for the future with a family of four that you have to let behind (for now), so it is very okay to be sad!
Wish you all the love and luck in the world!
Liz

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing, it means a lot. I myself am trying to conceive but I've had no luck, it's been a long time now that we've tried so I'm almost giving up hope. It's somehow concoling to know that not everything goes according to plans for other people either. Still, sorry for your loss.

-Kathy

Elina said...

Thanks for sharing and sorry for your loss! I too miscarried in spring, after just a few weeks of a pregnancy we'd waited for a long time. But then again, it's common to concieve soon again after an early miscarriage, and I hope you'll experience that too. I did. :)

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing, I know a few women who have experienced this and felt they couldn't be open about their sadness.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss; thank you for choosing to share it. It does seem like something that people don't talk about as much, and I know a couple of friends have wanted to tell people about what's happened to them, but felt like because so many women don't talk about it they would be perceived as weird or oversharing or something, and I know it made the grieving process more difficult for them. Anyway, so thank you for sharing your story, I think it is important.

Anonymous said...

❤️

k said...

You have my deepest sympathy and prayers of comfort. I too, have miscarried early, and it is quite surreal. I hope that by sharing your loss, it eases your grief and gives you hope for the future, even if only because you know that people you have never met care about you.

shonastar said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Roxy said...

<3 I'm sorry to hear you lost your baby...i'm glad you've been able to move past it and still feel like such a lucky person. Congrats on becoming an aunt!

Anonymous said...

Den här texten gick rakt in i hjärtat på mig! Jag är så ledsen för din skull! Du ska ha en stor eloge för att du skriver om detta tunga ämne på ett djupt personligt och reflekterande sätt. Genom ditt öppna och ärliga sätt tror jag att du hjälper dina medsystrar i samma situation och du bidrar samtidigt till att lyfta bort det stigma som finns runt missfall.
Det behövs verkligen fler som dig!!
Jag sänder dig en stor varm kram!!
/Lotta

Ladan Ladanu said...


I don't have children and never plan to, but I do have two adored nephews and sympathise with you. No matter how soon it happens it must still be a shock. It's great that you posted about it in any case, sharing such personal things freely is never easy but it's important to not blank out the bad bits. Love reading your blog.

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Anonymous said...

It was very brave of yours to share this, thank you! Wish you all the best and a very happy future ahead.
(and congrats on being an aunt!!)

Amanda said...

I, too, went through a miscarriage, at the beginning of my 2nd trimester. It was scary, and no one I knew had ever gone through one. The comfort I found was in shared stories like yours, and openly talking about my own experience. It happens often, and women shouldn't feel alone and isolated. It shouldn't be taboo, women should feel comfortable to turn to one another. So, thank you for adding your voice to the conversation!

Maja said...

I'm so sorry to hear that! Life can sometimes be so cruel and leave you standing without a clue about what just happens and how to go on!
Many many warm thoughts from here!

Maria said...

I'm so so sorry to hear. I too hve had a miscarriage, and it's a terrible pain to bear, but you do heal with time. I am sure that soon there will be a little sibling for Dag to play with. I hope you and Eddi can come to terms and grieve, and then not 'get over it', but accept it happened and move on and live your wonderful lives. Every blessing x

Anonymous said...

I just miscarried a couple of days ago and this post means the world to me right now. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and all the best. Vero

Mrs J said...

Thanks for sharing and I understand the sadness. Sending you lots of hugs! I miscarried twice (my second and third pregnancies)and it was so hard to try again. Somehow the following three pregnancies went ok and we ended up with four sons.

Anonymous said...

I'm following your blog for such a long time, never leaving a comment.
but this time i have to.
i can feel your pain and you looking forward. I had two miscarriages last year and it broke my heart in two.
But it is important to go one and never give up hope.

All the best to you.

Anonymous said...

Kiitos kun jaoit tarinasi!

Voimia sinulle ja perheellesi.

Lämpimiä ajatuksia.

Anonymous said...

I miscarried in the spring. It was my first pregnancy and the loss really did hurt. I became pregnant right after that, like so many women do, and now I'm in the second trimester. I hope everything goes well, and if I'll have to suffer another miscarriage, it will be when I already have one or more healthy babies. I'm happy that now I can say the right things and be there for my friends and close relatives if they experience the same; it so sad to say, but probably some will and then it's important that you don't feel like the only woman who has lost a pregnancy. Knowing how common miscarrying is really did help me and knowing women who had had babies right after that helped even more.

Anonymous said...

Nice one! I have been through the same stage... initially i was mentally painful and now it seems like i was never pregnant.

Ashlee said...

I'm sorry to read about the misscarriage. I went through one myself just two years ago. I misscarried the first time I got pregnant in July of 2012. I know the feeling of failure all to well, though that's not what it is at all, but it takes time to come to terms with it. Things work out though, and I gave birth to my little man exactly one year later, July of 2013. Life is funny that way..

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about your loss. I also had miscarriage when I was pregnant first time. Now I´m pregnant again, but still very early, so I hope everything goes well.
I think it´s good to talk about this, many people don´t. I also have spoke this only couple of my friends, but thinking that i should maybe later be more open. Because miscarriage is really common, but still i did´t knew anyone who had experienced the same. It would have helped if I had know someone, so thanks for sharing this( even though I don´t really know you, but this still helps.)

Anonymous said...

Dear Ulrika,

I was very sorry when i read your post, and at the same time I feel that you are processing what happened with a great deal of philosophy... I never comment usually, but it's been a couple of years now that I'm reading you. I've seen your glittery-glamourous pictures,I admired your looks (and simply you, the strong and beautiful woman you are!) I was moved when Dag was born as if a friend of mine had given birth (I remember it very clearly because i was pregnant myself and you inspired me a lot!!), and now i wish you all the best with your lovely family.
Hugs, friendly
Elodie from France (that explains all the mistakes in english...)

Karin said...

Så ledsen att höra om ert missfall, men samtidigt bra att du valde att skriva om det. Varje gång det kommer på tal är det som att lyfta på ett lock, det finns ett uppdämt behov att prata om det tror jag. Svårigheter att bli gravid/provrörsbefruktning pratas det mer öppet om än missfall. Jag har själv fått tre (ett tidigt och två sena) utan att få något riktigt svar på varför. I de tidiga fallen är det ju oftast något som inte utvecklas som det ska och man får försöka tänka att det var naturens gång. Men det lindrar tyvärr inte sorgen för det. Ett förlorat barn är alltid en stor sorg, oavsett hur gammalt det hunnit bli. Önskar att det går vägen för er nästa gång!

Tinker Bell said...

<3

Eva-Lynn Standaert said...

I'm sorry to hear this! Better luck next time ! x


http://fashionistainthedark.blogspot.be/

Nicole from PudgeAndNico.com said...

"But while it is good to compare your worries with the rest of the world's in order to get some of that perspective it is also okay for you to put it all into context to your own life; it is okay to feel bad about your own sorrows even though others may have it worse."

So true. I think you are fully entitled to grieve and feel sad, even though worse things could have happened. So many people are in the business of "comparing" tragedies today. I think this just invalidates the feelings of those who have experienced the sad things. It is your life, and this is a sad point in it, and it's okay to grieve.

Best wishes for you if you choose to try again.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I appreciate you being so brave to share it on the internet. So many people can't or won't. I have read your blog for a long time, and never commented. I am pregnant with my first, and appreciate your honesty in the situation. It's easy to only put the good stuff out there. Real life happens too, and that's ok. Praying for peace for you, and that if you try again, it's a successful pregnancy.

vixenoffoxgreen said...

Much love beautiful lady, I don't think that was an easy thing to talk about and I'm so sorry it happened. Delight in Dag and I hope the days aren't too sad for you both. xx

Jennifer Kris said...

You have my deepest sympathy and prayers of comfort. Beauty Tips I too, have miscarried early, and it is quite surreal. I hope that by sharing your loss, it eases your grief and gives you hope for the future, even if only because you know that people you have never met care about you.i love this post thanks for sharing !!!