Sunday, 3 August 2014
Things don’t always go according to plan but then again that is the way life is!
It was a fun situation, the three of us expecting at the same time and I was not sure if we’d manage to meet up before my sister gave birth. But some time ago we did! We took a photo of us, and I am happy we did and like it, although we were not long in that state together. Our triple-pregnancy did not end by a delivery however, but by me miscarrying.
Miscarriage is not something that you talk that much about (over here); many don't want to talk about it, for personal reasons of course, ever say they have had one, some somehow take it as a failure. In general it is seldom mentioned when happened, like it's considered a) too painful and b) not to be seen as too big of a thing as it is rather common in the end. So I though I wouldn't post about this after all, but then again why not, shit happens, and sometimes you get to read about it. The internet however is full of forums discussing the matter (well, it is after all the internet...), and if you are going through, or have had one it's both comforting and terrifying to read those stories. Reading personal stories and not just clinical facts was supporting in some ways- my miscarriage came slowly and without pain at first so it took me a few hopeful days of what if’s before it became inevitably clear to me that it was over. I almost wished for the elevators of The Shining, so I could have known right away, instead of being in a state of not being sure (no one will take you in for a check up if you are not very ill) for days. I was still only in my first trimester and I know it is very common for things to go wrong and you are always taught to be prepared for the worst, which I was. But it is still sad and disappointing anyway. Then again I have had a friend lose her baby half way trough pregnancy and I know people who have had stillborn children. A good friend is battling cancer and children die by the hour in Gaza, for example. And I had an easy pregnancy that resulted in one healthy very happy child that I got to hold right away after he was born. So; I am still to be considered lucky! But while it is good to compare your worries with the rest of the world's in order to get some of that perspective it is also okay for you to put it all into context to your own life; it is okay to feel bad about your own sorrows even though others may have it worse. It is common to lose a pregnancy but it does not happen to everyone. Well, this time it happened to me; us. And I know many who will read this can relate, so that's why it made it here in the end.
In most cases I have always been very forward looking and trying not to dwell on things I can’t do anything about, and I had many days to process this as it went on. Life goes on, it went on already and there will be new chances. Now it almost feels like I was never pregnant again.
And, early last morning it was time for a new person to enter this world (and I got a new title at the same time)- I became an aunt as my sister gave birth to a little boy! It will be so exciting to get to meet him and for Dag to see his little cousin too!