First of all and in spite of all, tonight I felt very cosy and calm. But this last week has been quite stressed and lonely. I've always liked the time before Christmas a lot; I don't mind this dark time of year for all of the colourful lights and candles, I love the different scents of Christmas and the way houses are decorated (ok, we are talking quite clean and moderate decorating here but anyway, I guess you get my point), I like to do christmas shopping together with my friends or sisters. I'm normally never stressed about Christmas, and if 've been, it has only been in a positive, almost childish way.
But this year I've felt like those other stressed peole that run out of time and ideas and see christmas more as a burden than something nice. The biggest reason being a lack of time - I have an enormous amount of work to do and haven't had time for any preparations, and won't probably have that either. Sniff sniff, no ginger breads this year=(
The other reason being that J is away. I can deal with not having him here during the actual holiday, that's ok, but not having him here before it has been a bit sad. All the buying and planning of the gifts for both our families alone and with no time to do it and then the whole thing with Christmas cards. But the saddest thing is the lack of all the nice things I mentioned above. And I'm so tired because of all the work. Of course, I could just think "fuck it all". But then again I I love the giving of gifts more than I like receiving them, I like to plan gifts carefully for each person and I feel happy about the reaction when I see someone likes the gift they've just had. I'd rather make all gifts myself, but this year the only thing I'm going to do by hand is a printed T-shirt for J. (I can't understand how I some years ago had the time to sew something for everyone in my family. I could never pull that off these days. Oh, being all adult busy and working is sometimes so boring!) I also appreciate receiving cards from friends and relatives and I like to return the thought (and I love making the cards a bit tacky on purpose too. You send me a photo of your toddler in an angel-suit, you get a picture of my cats playing with glitter garlands. Ha!). Or then you get this:
Our retro-inspired christmas greeting from last year.
It's really tacky, isn't it ? :D
So I've been trying to work and trying not to skip too many work-outs and in the same time get all the stuff needed for the holidays and send all the cards; which I didn't do until today - it didn't help that everyone else pointed out for me that I should've sent them last week already, thanks, I know.
And my flat is all a mess; I missed my laundry turn (I use the machine in our building) my plants are dying and my cats are winy due to the lack of attention.
But today suddenly everything changed. I had just bought the last gifts and was walking home and suddenly this wave of empathy came over me - it happens every now and then, I just feel like hugging everyone on the street and I feel great sympathy for everybody I see, I like everything and I kind of smile on the inside. It's a great feeling (a hell lot better than the one when you hate everyone and nobody can drive or people can't use the staircase or just are ugly and stupid in general and its raining). The evening sky was beautiful in red purple and gold, I went home, had some hot juice and wrapped my gifts nicely in old newspaper and tapestry, burned a candle and felt happy about just being at home and about going to my parents on christmas eve.
Then I called J whose phone luckily had coverage for the moment and we decided to make ginger breads when he comes home instead.
Ok. That's that. Phew. Next time I'll just write about outfits and fashion. And then I'm going to answer Vasiliisa's challenge.